The last blog post addressed some sexual myths that mainly concerned women, although everyone should be aware of these cultural prejudices. This week will focus on some of the cultural messages that target men. Though men are generally believed to have a louder voice, sexually, the loudest voice is not within the couple. Society has validated many harmful beliefs that ultimately harm men and injure the relationship.
Perhaps the most pervasive and far from true belief is regarding a man's sexual understanding.
"Men are the experts...or sexperts."
Culture has put unrealistic expectations on men. This may seem obvious, but really consider everything you've seen in popular media. Boys, starting at a young age, will brag about their sexual knowledge, making dirty jokes and throwing out sexual vocabulary in the locker room, usually without actually knowing what they're talking about. Social pressures inform young men that they must know it all.
Additionally, it has become permissible for women to measure the sexual competency of a man by his ability to bring her to climax, without any kind of verbal coaching. Have you noticed anyone talking to one another in the sex scenes of movies? She may also be a more passive participant in the sexual encounter, giving him the physical responsibility to “make it happen.” The pressure here can be overwhelming and may contribute to certain performance-anxiety-induced-sexual-dysfunction.
Gentlemen, you have the privilege and the challenge to LEARN about what makes your lady tick. She will change, depending on the time of the month, her mood, the stresses she is currently undergoing, and her age and stage. This will be a continual learning process that she should readily and willingly engage in. By experimenting and listening to her coaching, the two of you will enjoy a deep satisfying sexual experience.
As for frequency, much like women, it will vary as much as there are men. Assuming a man will want sex at least daily will plant seeds of concern when he in reality doesn’t.
Today, in Portland, is the first real day of Spring. There is not a cloud in the sky and you can feel the warmth of the sun on your skin. All the local people, starving for Vitamin D, are walking, biking, jogging, or relaxing outdoors. No need to wear reflectors, our pale skin seems to do the job just fine.
The first day of Spring is always so exciting. For those of us who suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), it is exuberant to bask in the sunshine. We are filled with an energy where previously was fatigue. The weather, and certainly the added physical activity, is so good for us, both bodily and emotionally.
Today, the sun filled me not only with energy, but also hope. This season reminds me of new beginnings and a renewed sense of purpose. Just as I can begin to anticipate hiking and camping trips now that the weather looks more appropriate, a person stepping out of the dreariness of there own personal winter can begin to look ahead to greater, more rewarding adventures. Spring reminds us that we are not forever stuck in our depressive hibernation, but that renewal and the changing of seasons does, indeed come. I will not take this reawakening for granted, but rather I will let it wash over me, a refreshing new perspective and hope for what is ahead.
Portland based Counselor sharing latest book reviews and emotional health tips.